The Words from My Father Which Helped Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up amongst men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a couple of days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the language of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."